I realised on Sunday that faith expects things according to the Word of God - that is, what he has revealed about himself. It's really easy to not expect anything, and to think that the fact we receive nothing is evidence we were right to not expect.. but anyone who comes to God must believe that he is good and that he rewards those who diligently seek him, and anyone who wavers, backward and forward like a wave tossed by the sea, should not expect to receive anything from God. God rewards those who trust in him, because trust is the door to a persons heart - as we trust him our faith grows, from "faith to faith". There can be no relationship without trust - trust that he is who he says he is, that he will do what he says he will do - this is faith. By its very nature, it must be expectant, just as we come to a friend not with uncertainty, but in expectation of acceptance and love. If we do not come with this confident expect faith in our friend, we alienate ourselves from that person and prevent ourself from receiving anything from them, despite their love and affection for us. Even the physical things we receive, we receive with doubt, and so never enjoy the full benefit of the gift - that is, the communion of two people, and being loved. In the same way when we come to God we must expect good things from him, as an act of trust and love. It's easy to expect little or nothing, and to live a life devoid of his presence, but when we trust him he meets us there, as one dancer meets another. If we allow him to lead we move as one, but if we draw back we trip and fall, and the dance is broken. He must lead, even as the seeing lead the blind, and the strong lead the lame, because he is perfect in beauty, strength, righteousness and love. Even so, he listens to our requests, for this is the nature of friendship.
Anyway.. I can be rather pessimistic.. ok, I -am- rather pessimistic. But after this I felt so different.. like.. a lot of peace and joy and then.. a weight lifted =P It's good to not doubt and to not try to disprove what you cannot disprove, nor to prove what you cannot prove.. relying one oneself, being limited, only leads to limited, incomplete (and incorrect) answers. Trusting God for who he says he is, and trusting in his good intentions when things are uncertain (and this is all we can do for one cannot disprove faith or God, neither prove it, for we are not so equipped), is the best thing to do.. I want to do it more :$ God is the only true witness of himself, for only a mans spirit within himself knows himself - so only God really knows who God is, and only what he says about himself is who he is.
Anyway.. too long already =P I'm going to bed.. tired :$ sleepy :$ work tomolo :$